The idea that people need to wait until after the first trimester to announce a pregnancy is deeply ingrained in our culture. Because miscarriage risk is considered high during that time, we are told that we should wait to share the news until it’s more certain.

Many advocates and providers have spoken up against that rule, emphasizing that it contributes to stigma and isolation around miscarriage. When people don’t share pregnancies in the first trimester, they then may struggle to get support if they do experience pregnancy loss. I think that is so important to name and such a crucial reason that it should be more acceptable to disclose a pregnancy in the first trimester.

But I don’t only think that we need to break the silence about pregnancy in the first trimester. I don’t think pregnancies in the first trimester should only be announced in case someone has a miscarriage and needs support. I think it should be acceptable to actively celebrate pregnancy in the first trimester.

You might be wondering, why should we celebrate in the first trimester when miscarriage is so common? Well…why do we celebrate weddings when divorce is so common? About 40-50% of first marriages and 60-67% of second marriages end in divorce. Why do we celebrate being accepted to college or graduate school when it’s common not to finish your degree? A recent report found that 39% of first-time, full-time undergraduate students do not complete their bachelor’s within 8 years. Why celebrate getting a job when over 40% of Americans have been fired at least one time in their career or starting a new business when about 20% of business fail in their first year and almost 50% in five years? About 15-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, which is significantly less common than the previously described circumstances.

I think we celebrate these things because while they may not last forever, in the moment that they happen, they are real. Generally speaking, weddings represent the real love that exists between two people who have made a decision to commit to each other. Getting accepted to college and starting a job or business are all the culmination of a lot of hard work and an active decision to pursue an important goal. We celebrate these milestones to recognize the reality of all of the lived experiences that have led to that point. 

Pregnancy of course means something different to everyone, but it is an undeniably real experience. Many people feel love for or connection with their child from the moment they find out they are pregnant. For many people, pregnancy may be the result of months or years of longing to be a parent, or maybe it is the result of time and effort spent grappling with the decision of whether or not to be a parent, and ultimately deciding to do so. During this particular time, perhaps pregnancy is the result of deciding to be hopeful and bring someone into the world despite everything going on societally. All of the physical symptoms and emotional aspects of pregnancy (which are often most prevalent during the first trimester!) are indisputable evidence that one’s body has created life. For many, the experience of pregnancy is characterized by building a relationship with this new being. Pregnancy is often experienced as a form of parenting.

I believe that this deserves to be celebrated. Of course, not everyone wants to or feels comfortable celebrating pregnancy in the first trimester (or at all) and that is completely valid. But if someone wants to celebrate a pregnancy in the first trimester, I believe this should be embraced, regardless of whether the pregnancy continues.

At the end of the day, celebration isn’t about a guaranteed outcome but rather recognizing what is true right now. I feel that celebrating first trimester pregnancy is a radical and powerful way to honor the current version of ourselves and our lives in this present moment without conditions of worthiness or expectations of who we need to be in the future.

If someone does experience pregnancy loss in the first trimester, having celebrated the pregnancy sends the message that the life they created, the parenting they did, and the love they felt are worthy. It is a way to reject the notion that love can be measured in weeks of gestation or that a pregnancy has to be visible to be real. If you are reading this and you are in the first trimester of pregnancy or have experienced a first trimester miscarriage, please know that the parenting you have done up to this point and continue to do is worthy of being seen and honored, no matter how long or short the journey has been.

If you have experienced pregnancy loss and would like some support, I hope that you will join me for my workshop on coping with miscarriage this month, which will be recorded and available for download afterwards as well.